My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
