he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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