it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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