Where is the hickey?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
