Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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