I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
