Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
