she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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