bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
