It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
