wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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