I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
