I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
