Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
