Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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