SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
