you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
