What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
