Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
