the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
