he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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