rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
