This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
