Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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