the new term for farting is butt boxing.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
