Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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