There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
