I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
