this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
