You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
