I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
