At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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