tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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