so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
