Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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