I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I could fuck to npr.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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