OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
