Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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