so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
