we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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