The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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