Don't you send me to vm
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
