During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
