My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I will die if light touches me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
