all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
