Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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