I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
