i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
and you fell through a lawn chair
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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