I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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