I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
