Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
