shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
