how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't put those talents on a resume
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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