Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
