Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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