Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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